Q: I have been in a relationship for one and a half years. I used to post every little detail of my relationship because I loved him and thought we would be together forever. Everyone knew about us. Three weeks ago, as I was going through Facebook, I was shocked to see he had changed his status from being in a relationship to being single. I called him and he confirmed so. I was dumbfounded. I knew there were other girls who were after him but I never thought he would just leave. I wish I had the chance to tell my friends about the break up myself instead of them finding out through his timeline. I immediately started receiving calls from concerned friends and relatives asking questions like, “What happened?” I am feeling very offended. Even total strangers who had been following our lives through my posts started sending me messages of sympathy in my inbox.
A: It looks like your relationship was not just between you and your guy; you involved a third party – the public. You posted everything that happened between you and him. Why? One reason could be that you were filling a void within yourself that you thought the validation from social media friends would plug. Insecurity always speaks loudly.
The other reason could be that you wanted the world to know your boyfriend in effort to scare would-be ‘competitors’. So allow me to correct you; you did not do this out of love. On the contrary, it was due to an obsession you had for your guy. Anyway, now that is water under the bridge; let us face the real issue of the break up.
Your ex -boyfriend declared on Facebook that he is single and confirmed it to you when you confronted him. It is clear that he is no longer interested in you or the relationship. You have no choice but to move on. However hard it may seem, try not to air your grievances on social media and instead, look for a way to move on. It is best not discussed publicly; the less said, definitely the better.
Even if your ex stoops to this level, it is wise not to fight fire with fire. Be the bigger person and resist it. If you cannot, be aware that there are consequences to engaging in tit-for-tat character slamming on Facebook. As for your friends, keep in mind that you owe them no explanation. If anything, it is your ex-boyfriend who should be charged with explaining, seeing as he is the one who changed his status.
Perhaps it would also be wise to keep the details of your next relationship private. In the meantime, find a trusted friend or a family member who can offer you the emotional support that you need. You may also consider visiting a counselor. Wishing you success.