I’m unable to have children, so my husband wants another wife


Q: I have been married for the last six years. My husband and I do not have children. I have tried every intervention, including medical. I feel so devastated by this. Some months ago my husband told me that he really wants children and the only option is to marry another wife. He assured me of his love even after his second union. I feel more pain now. I love him and I really want him happy. If children will add to his happiness I will be happy too. He has a right to marry because it is within the law. Now how do I deal with this? Please help me. 

A: Understandably, this is a very difficult scenario that you are facing. There’s the fact that you cannot bear children – and now you have the added pain of a potential second wife. I empathise with you. Just as he said, he has the right to do so, but at the same time, you know this will cause you great pain. So, it is important to note that the feelings you are having while thinking about his options are perfectly normal.

If he does chose to go ahead with this, at least you are clear on his reasons why: it is not because he loves you any less or values you any less, but because of his natural desire to have children. This reasoning will help you not be hard on yourself, thinking that you have done something wrong or that you are inadequate for him.

You now need a candid conversation about the way forward once he gets his new love. Let him know that he still has the same obligations to take care of you and love you in the way he always has. He is obliged to treat you both equally. So, even though you might be sharing your time, he must still give you the same level of attention and affection.

From your letter, your husband clearly understands that it would be difficult for you and that must be the reason why he respected you enough to ask you about it first and involve you rather than just going about it behind your back. You can take this as a positive sign that he loves and cares for you very much. My best wishes.


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